Can't Go Back
by the-poetry-of-ink
Summary: Alice and Edward comeback expecting everything to be the same but why is Bella so angry with Alice? Why does Alice care so much? Will Edward's true self show when he finds out the truth? AU Fem-Slash Bellice Early New Moon
1. Chapter 1

Summary: Alice and Edward comeback expecting everything to be the same but why is Bella so angry with Alice? Why does Alice care so much? Will Edward's true self show when he finds out the truth? AU Fem-Slash Bellice Early New Moon.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything familiar but I do own four pairs of raggedy old converse.

Rated: M for future Fem-Slash loving.

Title: Can't Go Back

BPOV

I sat on my bed with the curtains closed and lights off cutting myself away from the world so I could drown in my conflicting thoughts.

Can I still be mad at Edward?

Yes, he left me alone and said he didn't love me. He had no right to try to kill himself if he didn't care.

But he did care.

If he cared he wouldn't of left.

But he left for my safety.

No, Victoria was still out there. How was that safe?

He didn't know. No, He didn't care enough to think.

A light knock on the door inturrupted my troubled thoughts.

"Bella can I come in?"

The light concerned voice let me know it was Alice, the only Cullen I have let see me since they've all come back.

"Sure."

She walked in and sat next to me with a determined expression.

"Bella you need to talk to Edward."

I grimaced at her

"I don't need to do anything. What makes you think you have any right to suggest anything to me? You're not so innocent yourself."

She winced at the venom in my words.

"Bella, Edward made me. I wanted to stay but him and Jasper-"

"You didn't even say goodbye!"

I didn't want to hear her excuses. When she didn't respond for a few seconds I looked in her eyes and saw she was as close to crying as possible. Seeing her like this made me feel impossibly worse.

"Alice-"

She shook her head and put her finger to my lips.

"No Bella you're right. I should have never listened to him."

I shook my head adamantly.

"Jasper left too, it was selfish of me to even hope you wouldn't go."

I sighed.

"Edward leaving was like having my heart tore out and his words were like him spitting and stomping all over it. I was so empty. I wanted to end it far before me jumping off the cliff."

Alice's eyes widened and I realized I just admitted my attempt of suicide.

"Bella how could you?"

I was immeadiately livid and stood up so fast I was almost dizzy.

"HOW COULD I? How could you? How could you have left me without a single word? How could you just let him say those things to me? You only came back when I jumped for the sake of your guilt. How could you act like you care about my well being when you clearly don't? If you did you wouldn't have left or atleast would've said goodbye?"

I glowered at her even though I could tell my words were tearing her apart.

I hated hurting her but she didn't realize how much she hurt me. There was no way she could understand.

"I'm not that surprised Edward did this. He controlled me and tricked me into believing things were my idea. But you . . . you always let me have a choice. You always stopped Edward from being too controlling even if it resulted in a big fight between you two . . . and you couldn't fight hard enough just to say goodbye."

Warm tears were streaming down my face and it was hard to breathe.

"Bella . . ."

I couldn't let her apologize. I knew I'd forgive her right away but I knew I'd needed more time.

"Alice . . . just go."

She was about to protest but I cut her off.

"I don't want to talk to or see you anymore . . . tell Edward he can come over."

Her gold eyes were shining because of tears that would never fall, she was convulsing and clutching at her hair.

"Bella please."

Her voice was a pained raspy whisper.

I looked away from her and after a few seconds I knew she left the room.

Why did they have to come back? Why did I somehow manage to drift back to the beach and regain my breath. I was too much of a coward to try jumping again.

Why did I have to push Alice away? I focused on breathing to stop from thinking about how unkempt and pained Alice looked.

My thoughts were interrupted when I detected HIS scent in my room. He didn't even bother to knock.

"Bella?"

I hated his smooth deep voice with a passion. It whispered words of love then hate and lies.

I glowered at him.

Seeing the cocky look in his eyes made me nauseated. I knew he assumed he was gonna get me back.

"Bella everything I said in the forest was a lie. I love you. You're my everything. I was so stupid not to have thought about Victoria. Please forgive me."

He strolled over and pulled me in his arms. I hugged him back hesitantly.

Maybe things will go back to how they were. Maybe he will be less controlling.

He kissed me and I tried my hardest to return the feeling but there was nothing there but annoyance.

I moved out of his arms and sat on the edge of the bed waiting for anger. Waiting to yell at him like I did to Alice but I felt no reason to be angry. Well except him taking Alice away.

"Why didn't you let Alice say bye?"

He knit his eyebrows together and had an annoyed expression.

"I thought it would be easier for you to let go if we just left."

I scowled at him and he looked caught off guard.

"You have no right to make any choices for me anymore . . . it's over Edward. I want to be your friend but I can't be yours with all of this pain."

He nodded with a slight smirk and left.

I really expected more of a fight. The smirk he had and the determined look in his eyes scared me because I knew he would stop at nothing to get me back. If I rejected him would he make them leave again?

After crying out my rage and confusion I went to sleep hoping no nightmares would come.

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A/N: Writing new things helps me get out of writers block so here's a new story. Was it realistic? Do you think it's good or should I just scrap it? Review. 


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: Alice and Edward comeback expecting everything to be the same but why is Bella so angry with Alice? Why does Alice care so much? Will Edward's true self show when he finds out the truth? AU Fem-Slash Bellice Early New Moon.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything familiar but I do own four pairs of raggedy old converse.

Rated: M for future Fem-Slash loving.

Title: Can't Go Back

EPOV

I'll let Bella have her space but I know I'll get her back. She's mine and she better not take long coming back to me.

I knew I could only love her of all people because her thoughts were a complete mystery.

I knew I deserved way more than this clumsy human but her scent made up for it and luckily my family members didn't laugh at me for it as I knew James probably had. I deserve more than Bella but she will do.

She's lucky to have an Adonis like me and shouldn't expect to be changed to have me forever because I am not hers to have. She is mine to own and she will continue worshiping me like I deserve.

I sat in my room pounding my emotions out on my piano keys.

When I started playing something more melancholy Alice's thoughts entered my mind:

She doesn't want to see me . . . but what Edward did was far worse. She doesn't want to see me. She doesn't want to see me.

Her thoughts just kept repeating. Atleast Bella was more mad at her for something. She couldn't focus all her anger on me and I could easily win back her heart. I continued working on my piece through the night.

BPOV

I woke up an hours early screaming deafeningly due to nightmares of the Cullen's leaving and Victoria attacking me.

I took a long cold shower to wake myself up and got dressed in my usual comfy sweats. As I pulled on my shirt there was a loud knock on my door.

"Bells I'm going to work a little early today."

I kind of felt guilty because Charlie's been going to work early everyday because of my screams have been waking him.

"Do you want me to make you breakfast?"

I opened the door before he could speak so he just nodded.

I walked downstairs carefully and went to the kitchen. I quickly made a serving of bacon and eggs. I sat across from Charlie, handed him his plate and nibbled on an apple.

"So the Cullens are back . . ."

I nodded as he searched my face for any emotion.

"That means Edward is back . . ."

I nodded and decided now would be the best time to tell him.

"I broke up with him."

Charlie smiled but tried to hide it quickly.

"Jacob should be here to drop you off soon kiddo. Are you gonna get dressed?"

I gave him a dirty look and dead panned him.

"I am dressed."

He coughed and raised his eyebrows.

"Oh...it's just that you've been wearing sweats since...they left."

I frowned apprehensively.

"There comfortable."

He raised his hands in defeat.

"Whatever floats your boat. I hope you have a good day."

He patted my back and left.

I picked up his plate and put it in the sink. I figured I had a while until Jake got here so I started washing the dishes.

A few minutes after I was done there was a pounding on the door I sped over and opened it.

"Hey Jake are you trying to break my door?"

He smiled cockily.

"I haven't tamed these guns yet. Anyway your chariot awaits. I fixed the rabbit."

I hugged him that he was hotter than usual. Must of been because the Cullen's were back.

"Finally now I can ride alone."

I smiled so he knew I was kidding.

"You can drive me there today if you want."

We walked to my car and he took the wheel.

"So I smelled the Cullen's in your house. They're back?"

I noticed his anger was more guarded than it had been before.

"Its okay Jake they were just apologizing. I'm not friends with them anymore."

He grined widely as he pulled into the student parking lot. I kissed his cheek.

"Thanks for fixing my car Jake."

He blushed and nodded goofily.

As he exited the car a blur came over and I felt the truck being pushed. I got out the car and saw Edward holding Jake around the neck.

"She is mine!"

I was livid.

"Edward we are over. Let him go. NOW!"

Edward hissed at Jacob and after a few seconds shoved him away. Jake growled and tackled him to the ground.

"Jacob Black get off of him. You are not a dog!"

He whimpered and got up shaking then ran off.

Edward was beside me in a second.

"Ill give you your space but you will not talk to any filthy mutt."

I scowled at him. "Edward leave me alone and get your head out of your sparkly ass. I DUMPED YOU!"

His gold eyes darkened into the darkest shade of onyx.

"Ill give you a little more space but I will be back."

Before I could protest he was gone. I stood there for a minute feeling extremely parinoid. I tensed when I saw Alice across the lot looking at me with hopeful eyes. She started walking towards me and I paniced. I can't let any Cullen back in my life.

I sped to my first period class to avoid the situation hoping Alice would get the hint. I leaned against the building wondering what had gotten into Edward's head. Why couldn't he just let me go?

The campus started getting filled so I distracted myself by counting how many people stared at me as they walked by. The bell interrupted my count and as tempted as I was to cut I willed myself not to and walked into class. I sat in the back and pulled out my study materials.

As I started the book work and heard the chair beside me scrape against the cold floor. I looked to my side and saw Alice looking very fashionable as usual but still unkempt in a way. Her eyes were tired looking and darker than usual. What is she doing at school if she hasn't hunted?

"Bella I'm sorry. Please let me expla-"

I couldn't deal with her apology right now because I knew if she finished I'd be crying in front of everyone. I grabbed my stuff and ran out of the class without asking my teacher which caused him to run out.

"Isabella!"

I turned around hastily thinking of an excuse.

"I'm going to puke."

His eyes widened and he pointed to the nurses office. When he went back into the room I figure it was safe to walk. As soon as I got there I started crying my eyes out. The bell rang so to aviod being questioned I left before the nurse came in.

I walked to the lot and sat in my truck thinking about Alice and Edward for two periods. My phone rang

."Bells I got a call saying you cut."

Charlie's voice wasn't that concerned because I have cut quite a few times since they left. But everytime I needed an excuse.

"It was hard seeing Edward."

He sighed but I knew he was probably estatic.

"I don't want you cutting but if you're going to, call me. You're grounded."

I really didn't care if I was grounded.

"Ok...bye dad."

As soon as I hung up, my door opened. It was Edward with a very temperamental and determined.

"Bella I know you're mad at us for everything but I have given you your space. Come back to me."

He looked like he was ready to snap. Maybe it was because he missed me so much or he was crazy. I wanted things to be normal.

"Fine."

He smiled but looked a little surprised.

"I'll pick you up after school."

He never asked me what I wanted. I should be used to it by now but it was only more aggravating.

"Whatever but Charlie might shoot you."

I wish he did and that it actually did some damage. He ignored the hope I knew was evident in my voice and laughed. I might as well go home now since Charlie knows I cut. Edward offered to come with but I waved him off.

I drove home just focusing on what was ahead of me. I finally got home and walked up to my room. I was surprised to see my scrapbook on my shelf with a note:

I'm sorry.

I knew it was from Alice because of the flawless cursive she always wrote in. I picked it up and looked through the pictures.

I saw pictures of me and Edward. He always wore that annoying cocky grin I hated and I was there barely smiling.

After turning a few pages I saw pictures of me and Alice. I always loved her smile. Her eyes light up when she smiled. Her arms were around me and I was blushing. I always seemed to blush around her. This picture was taken on my birthday. It was like the calm before the storm. I missed Alice much more than I actually realized.

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A/N There will be no Bella Jacob relationship at all for those concerned about the kiss on the cheek. Was the emotions realistic? Was I descriptive enough? Was there anything you didn't like or I could improve in? 


	3. Chapter 3

Thank for the favorites and author alerts but we all know reviews are the best XD Also everyone check out the story White Hot Heat, Bellice: Yes Awesome: Yes Updated often: Yes Written by me: No, I wish I could write that good lol

Summary: Alice and Edward comeback expecting everything to be the same but why is Bella so angry with Alice? Why does Alice care so much? Will Edward's true self show when he finds out the truth? AU Fem-Slash Bellice Early New Moon.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything familiar but I do own four pairs of raggedy old converse.

Rated: M for future Fem-Slash loving.

Title: Can't Go Back

BPOV

I managed to slip into a dreamless sleep which I desperately needed but was woke up when I felt like I was being watched. My sense of surrounding has been damn near perfect since I was so used to being around vampires. Even though I knew it was Edward I couldn't help the wave of fear that went through me. His prescence seemed to make me feel so uncomfortable. I hated that he thought my crazy heartbeat was a good thing because it absolutely wasn't.

"Bella it's time to go, get dressed."

I got up reluctantly and had to try very hard not to glare at him. I grabbed some clothes that for once weren't sweats and changed in the bathroom.

As soon as I walked out the bathroom he picked me up and ran to his home. I would've been paniced at him grabbing me without warning but it was so Edward of him to do. He always ran too fast. I was so tempted to puke on him purposely. I tamed my upset stomach and moved out of his arms when he stopped in the livingroom.

Everyone was in the there including Alice who I expected to hate me by now. She was wearing a deep blue silky v neck blouse, tight black skiny jeans, and flats. She smiled brightly and nervously at me. I blushed and looked away.

Edward cleared his throat and spoke.

"She's mine again."

I frowned at his possessiveness while Esme smiled and caught me off guard by pulling me into her arms.

I almost felt guilty when I winced. She pulled back and looked at me with pity filled eyes.

"I'm so sorry Bella."

I shrugged trying not to tear up at her concern. After taking a few calming breaths I looked at everyone.

"I really don't know what to say, I'm really angry but I don't hate you. Please give me time."

They all nodded respectfully and after a few awkward seconds of standing there quietly they all went back to what they were doing before I showed up.

Edward grabbed my hand and pulled me to the couch. I sat there cuddled up to him against my will feeling extremely pissed off.

A snarl caused me to look over at Jasper whose eyes were pitch black. I was about to apologize and calm down but my phone rang.

"Hey Bella. Wanna come to the res for a bonfire tomorrow?"

Before I could respond Edward growled, grabbed my phone and crushed it.

"I told you not to talk to that mutt!"

I stood up enraged.

"You don't control my life! I don't want you!"

He snarled loudly grabbed me and grabbed my wrist painfully. I was prepared to do something stupid like punch him but was distracted when I saw a blur and Edward being pinned to the wall to by Alice."

YOU WILL NOT TOUCH HER!"

Alice's eyes were pitch black and she was growling furiously. Her fingernails were leaving marks in his neck. Emmet tried to pull her off but it was no use she kept choking him even if it wouldn't really affect him.

I walked up to her timidly. I have never seen Alice so scary even when she killed James.

"Alice."

Her eyes lightened when she looked at me but darkened completely when looked at the quickly formed bruises on my wrist. She snarled so loudly my ears began to ring. Alice picked Edward up and slammed him into the ground. Edward looked calm but a few seconds later his eyes darkened.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST THINK!..HURT YOUR MATE?"

He flipped her over and socked her in the stomach repeatedly. Blood was trickling down her chin.

"EDWARD STOP IT RIGHT NOW!"

Esme's scream rang throughout the house. Edward kept hitting Alice until Emmett finally got him off of her. I ran to her feeling guilt and worry.

"Oh my god Alice, are you okay?"

She looked completely heartbroken.

"Please don't hate me."

I frowned and pulled her into my arms.

"I could never hate you."

I heard a snarling sound and looked up at Edward.

"Bella you won't be talking to her either!"

I was irritated by all of this and couldn't take it any longer.

"Edward it's over. I am not property. Either be my friend or leave me the hell alone!"

He laughed darkly and had a crazed look in his eyes.

"I guess you need more space."

He ran away before anyone could respond.

The amount of emotions I felt were so overwhelming. Jasper was rocking in the corner his eyes were completely black. Esme and Carlisle went to him and I felt even more guilty.

Alice was staring at me nervously but I knew any other time Alice would already be hugging me and telling me that everything would be okay. I needed her comfort.

"Why didn't you tell me how you felt?"

She looked like she was having trouble finding her words.

"I didn't know really until instinct kicked in. I knew I was very fond of you but not to what extent. I know it's a lot to process but no matter what I will protect you. But luckily Edward is going to Alaska for a while."

She was right it was a lot to process.

"I guess I should go."

Esme walked over.

"Bella you are family. You are always welcome here. But if you really want I'll take you home because Alice needs to hunt."

I expected her to lead me to her car but she carried me on her back and ran at a surprisingly comfortable pace to my room.

"Esme can you tell Alice I want to talk to her after she hunts please."

She nodded and left. I tried to stay awake until Alice came but I unwillingly fell into a dreamless void.

I woke up and felt cool fingers on my face. I opened my eyes and saw Alice smiling down at me. The second she saw I was awake she pulled back ashamed.

"Sorry for invading your space."

I smiled to reassure her.

"Its okay. Alice I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for pushing you away. You're my bestfriend and I shouldn't have hurt you."

She winced when I said bestfriend.

How could she feel anything more than friendship for me? I'm so plain.

"What happened with you and Jasper?"

She looked even more ashamed.

"He's hurt but he understands. Bella I know you don't feel for me. I'll try and act normal but it's hard for me."

I felt so guilty.

"Don't change I don't want you to have to guard yourself around me. Can you stay with me?"

She nodded and sat in the chair across from my bed. I found myself staring into her calming gold eyes and dozing off to sleep.

"Bella . . . Bella wake up."

I opened my eyes and saw Alice smiling at me with adoration in her eyes. I blushed invouluntarily and went to the bathroom to dress.

As we walked down the stairs Alice froze and started growling and someone started pounding on the door. I opened it knowing it was Jake.

"Hey Jake?"

He glared at Alice who was behind me.

"What is she doing here?"

I sighed not really wanting to deal with this.

"She's here because I want I want her to be."

He grimaced obviously not understanding why I would want her near me.

"So what happened with you and The Leech?"

I knew my response would calm him even if he had no chances with me.

"I broke up with him."

Jake smiled hopefully.

"Oh...you wanna hang out sometime?"

Alice stood in front of me before could say anything and snarled. I hugged her from behind and rested my chin on her head.

"Of course we can hangout . . . as friends."

He frowned and looked at Alice suspiciously.

"Do you want me to take you to school?"

Alice cut me off before I spoke.

"No I will be taking her to school . . . I mean Bella do you want me to take you to school?"

I smiled a bit widely. Even if she felt for me like Edward supposedly did she always gave me a choice.

"Yes."

Jacob frowned and left without a response. Alice closed the door turned around.

"Sorry for being like that, it's instinct."

I shook my head.

"As long as you give me a choice it's okay."

She reopened the door and we walked to her car. She drove at a comfortable pace. Actually no she was still driving insanely fast but I felt safe. Maybe it was because she was a physic or maybe it was because she was the only one I felt I could trust.

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A/N I like to update everyday unless I have writers block but don't worry What Am I Feeling will be updated soon.

What did you think of this chapter? Is there anything I can improve? Anything you don't like? Beta? Review. 


	4. Chapter 4

Favorites and alerts are good but reviews are the best. XD

Summary: Alice and Edward comeback expecting everything to be the same but why is Bella so angry with Alice? Why does Alice care so much? Will Edward's true self show when he finds out the truth? AU Fem-Slash Bellice Early New Moon.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything familiar but I do own four pairs of raggedy old converse.

Rated: M for future Fem-Slash loving.

Title: Can't Go Back

BPOV

We walked to the bench in front of the first period class. After sitting there for a few minutes as Alice stared at me I decided to ask the question that has been on my mind since yesterday's incident.

"Alice...What do you see in me?"

She answered hesitantly.

"Everything. I love everything about you, your smile, laugh, your eyes, even your clumsiness. Everything that makes you who you are . . . even what you'd consider a flaw. Everything."

I blushed at her endearing words.

Edward always told me how beautiful I was but not like that. After my blush went away I gazed at Alice and it was like never saw her before. Everything about her dazzled me: her perfectly disarrayed hair, her liquid gold eyes with specks of green no one else would notice unless you had stared directly into them, her rosy lips that formed the most elegant smile, the way there was a slight dimple on her left cheek when she smiled and millions of things beyond what I had listed.

I went scarlet when I saw the raw longing in her sparkling eyes but the gravity was ruined when Mike stalked over.

"Hey Bella."

Alice instantly went ridged beside me so I took her hand in mine to keep her calm and looked at Mike with irritation.

"Hi Mike."

After giving me a once over, much to the dismay of a quietly growling Alice, he smiled hopefully.

"Do you want to hang with me and Jessica this weekend?

"I exhaled and managed not to tell him off.

"I'll think about it."

He sauntered away clearly excited while Alice scowled at his retreating figure.

"He's not inviting Jessica."

I almost laughed at her dejected voice when I heard Alice mumbling about him trying to trick her mate.

"Alice, do you wanna go shopping?"

She stopped her murmured rant and beamed.

"You're asking me to go shopping?"

I couldn't bring myself to backpedal even if I knew it would probably be torturous for me.

"Yeah, I want to spend time with my bestfriend and you like shopping. I know you've been having a tough time."

She hugged me and squealed.

"Jasper never even offered to go shopping with me."

I chuckled weakly to placate her but was thinking about her comparison of me to Jasper.

The bell rang so we headed to class. started a lecture on the major philosophers. I was extremely uninterested in the lesson so I peered at Alice who was writing her notes. Her handwriting was flawless like a font on a computer. I was some how completely entertained by Alice and was caught off guard when the bell finally rang.

Before I could reach my stuff Alice took it and walked me to my next class without a word. I guess this is how life was now because she never walked me to my next class before. Jasper used to meet us and escort her to hers.

I shuffled into class thankful that we were having study hall and glared at the empty chair beside me.

When I finished my work I made a mental list of everything I liked and disliked about Edward. If I would've made this mental list last year there would've been hundreds of things I liked but now the only thing I liked was that he introduced me to Alice.

After sitting there doing nothing for a few minutes Angela finished her work and sat next to me for the first time in a long time. She tapped her pencil on the desk for a few minutes and didn't make eye contact.

"The Cullen's are back so I figured you'd be better. I want to be your friend."

I felt guilty. "I'm sorry for pushing you away."

We chatted for a few minutes and the bell rang so I we headed to the cafeteria but on the way I noticed some guy talking to Alice.

As we walked nearer I heard part of the conversation.

"So I see you're not with Jasper. Would you like to go out with me?"

Alice looked like she was trying to hold back a laugh.

"Sorry but no."

He frowned and his ego was obviously wounded.

"What? Is no one here good enough for you?"

I completely forgot about Angela and marched over.

"She won't go out with you because she's min- my bestfriend and she's busy."

I pulled her away before he could respond.

She smiled playfully.

"I'm yours?"

I regretted my slip up.

"No I just messed up my sentence."

She smirked mockingly.

"I heard you clearly."

I quickly got irritated because she wouldn't let it go.

"No you didn't. I will never be that way and I'll never be yours."

My words completely wiped her smile away and I felt so heartless.

"I'm sorry Alice. I shouldn't have said that."

She shook her head bitterly.

"No you're right Bella. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Why would you want me?"

There were a whole bunch of reasons why I would want her but she abandoned me and I wasn't that way.

"I'm still very sorry. Can me and you sit alone?"

She nodded and we found a bench outside the cafeteria instead of the Cullen table. She still looked low spirited from my words. I was determined to cheer her up

."So . . . I haven't worn a dress in forever . . ."

Her eyes brightened and she grinned.

"And?"

Her excitement was almost enough to make me regret my decision. Almost.

"And . . . maybe you can dress me up for prom. I don't really want to go but I know as soon as my friends forgive me for pushing them away they'll make me go."

The pain in Alice's eyes was completely gone.

"We can go this weekend, Saturday for shopping and Sunday if you still wanna hang out. We can do something you like."

I smiled.

"Way to compromise pixie."

Her smile got a hell of a lot adorabler and then she pouted.

"Pixie?"

I hesitated for a second.

"Yeah it's a nickname."

She looked at me suspiciously.

"You're calling me short."

I knew she didn't like people joking about her height even though she pretended to take it lightly.

"No pixies are cute."

She smiled and I regretted my word choice.

She thinks I called her cute.

Well didn't I?

No, it was an obvious cover up for insulting her height.

But she is cute.

NO SHE'S NOT!

"Are you okay Bella?"

She put her hand on my lap and I flinched.

"Yeah."

The bell rang so she lead me to my next class which I had with Jasper.

Shit.

I sat in the back and waited for the inevitable meeting. I felt like I would hurl but a second later I felt a calming wave go over me. I glanced to my side nervously and saw Jasper.

"Hello Bella. I'm not mad at you. Love chooses what it wants. Alice is not in control of her emotions. You're just meant to be together and I've accepted it."

I stared at him confused.

"I don't feel the same way."

He shook his head sadly.

"Your emotions can't lie. I feel the truth even if you are unaware."

What does he mean? I tried to focus on the class work but couldn't so I just doodled and waited for the bell. And almost exactly after the bell rang Alice was waiting by the door for me looking like everything was normal. I hope it doesn't get awkward.

"Hey Alice."

She smiled adorably.

"Hey Bella. Hi Jazz."

He smiled but I knew it was forced.

"Hey Al, I'll be- nevermind. You don't need to know about my whereabouts anymore."

Without waiting for a response he walked off. Alice frowned and the lights in her eyes were dim.

"Uh Alice do you want to sleepover? We are already hanging out."

She smiled weakly and nodded.

"I'll meet you at your place in a hour."

She walked me to my car and before she could turn around I hugged her. She smelt like winter and vanilla. I wish my pillow smelt like her then I'd never have a nightmare. She left looking reluctant and I drove home.

I stumbled up to my room and noticed something was off. I inspected my room and saw that my scrapbook was open on the drawer next to my bed. It was opened to a picture of me and Edward.

There was a letter:

My dearest Isabella. I've decided that since you're human and that emotional problems seem to last longer than I've expected that I would give you a lot of space. I promise I'll be back...even if you don't think you want me to because you're mine and I know what's best. I'll check up on you time to time. I haven't decided if I'm going to kill Alice but if you don't struggle I'll be nice Forever yours,Edward

I started hyperventilating and my sense of parinoia increased. I sat on my bed and rocked back and forth to calm down. As soon as I was completely calm my whole body went ridged when I heard someone at my window.

"Why are you crying?"

I was relieved to hear Alice's voice. I'm crying? I wiped my face and felt the wetness of my tears.

She walked up to me and immediately her eyes went dark.

"Edward was here? What did he do to you?"

I handed her the letter and she read it in a second.

"Don't worry Bella I won't let him get you back."

I looked at her like she was crazy.

"Don't you understand? He might kill you!"

She held me in her cold toned arms.

"I know what's coming Bella. Please don't worry."

How could I not worry?He might hurt my Alice. My Alice?

I again was having trouble breathing. Alice rubbed my back.

"Sshhhh my Bella it will be okay."

The way she said my Bella made me feel so safe, like she lived to protect me. Unlike Edward's possesive tone. I stared into her peaceful eyes and soon dozed off.

I woke up laying down in Alice's arms. Even though her skin was hard it still had that natural femine softness. I peered up at her which caused her to make a move to get up. I held on to her tighter.

"Sorry Bella you just wouldn't let go when I tried to lay you down."

I snuggled into her and inhaled her scent."

It's okay, you're comfy."

She laughed and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"Bella I lo-. . . sorry."

When she almost said I love you my heart stopped.

"You can say it, just please don't be hurt when I don't say it back."

She nodded with a blank expression.

"I don't want to put a strain on our friendship."

Was there a downside to her treating me like I was hers. It was probably wrong to lead her on but vampire feelings didn't change. So it was okay. Right?

"Alice you can treat me like I'm yours. Nothing you do can bother me."

She nodded but was clearly confused. I yawned obviously still tired. I laid my head was rested on Alice's shoulder. As I was drifting to sleep I heard Alice whisper.

"Goodnight my Bella."

I smiled.

"Goodnight my pixie."

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Yes another 2 in 1 day update. I think that deserves more awesome reviews. Was this chapter enjoyable and realistic? What can I improve? What did you like or didn't like? 


	5. Chapter 5

Favorites and alerts are good but reviews are the best. XD

To the anonymous reviewer: If you are going to review saying you think my story sucks then at least tell me why because you've just wasted time in your life saying something I don't care about

Summary: Alice and Edward comeback expecting everything to be the same but why is Bella so angry with Alice? Why does Alice care so much? Will Edward's true self show when he finds out the truth? AU Fem-Slash Bellice Early New Moon.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything familiar but I do own four pairs of raggedy old converse.

Rated: M for future Fem-Slash loving.

Title: Can't Go Back

BPOV

APOV!

I held Bella's clingy sleeping form in my arms and focused on her slow breathing. She was so angelic and beautiful. How could I have not seen her in this light before?

It seemed that each moment I have spent with her since coming back was going on a loop in my mind.

I recalled a few days after seeing Bella for the first time. I was weary of visiting her because of a troubling vision of her yelling at me with pained filled eyes. There was nothing I could do to prevent it so I figured I'd get it over right away. Little did I know that was going to be the most excruciatingly painful day of my whole entire existence.

I have never felt so guilt ridden and ashamed in my life. I should've fought harder to say goodbye even though I knew if I had I would've stayed even if it meant losing my family.

Looking back on it now I was so foolish to attempt to help Edward. After hours of him begging me to help him get his love back I gave in but only with hopes that Bella's broken heart would be mended.

Her words cut through me like fiery daggers. The pain of my birth into this new life was incomparable to the agony I had felt when Bella told me she didn't want to see me again. My cold dead heart shattered to pieces that only she could put back together.

I gazed at my Bella and was glad that her face had no trace of the animosity that was seared onto my eyelids then I vowed to myself that I would never leave my love again even if it was more so for the sake of my sanity.

I thought back to the moment when I went back to my room, Edward's depressing music defiantly didn't help. I still felt guilty for yelling at Jasper to leave the room when all he was trying to do was calm me. I don't know why I was so hurt. Maybe it was the strange connection I felt with her then that I now see is passion.

My thoughts were interrupted when Bella snored loudly which caused me to giggle.

I would do anything to protect her even if it cost my life. I was painstakingly devoted to her. How could anyone filled with the love I now realized I felt ever leave her?

I almost growled at the thought of Edward. I had tried so hard to get him to stay, showing him my visions, screaming how much he loved her, and vice versa. That little ass hat prude!

I snickered when I remembered how my anger translated to Jasper while he was playing chess with Edward.

He snapped the titanium bored, which we bought because chess got real intense in our household, and smacked Edward in the face repeatedly screaming "Checkmate bitch! Check mate bitch!"

I sighed at the thought of Jasper and realized since we first left we had already started drifting apart and it grew significantly when we returned but then I didn't know why. It was partially because I spent most of the day thinking of ways to get Bella not to hate me.

That's when I remembered I had kept Bella's scrapbook when Edward decided to take anything that had to do with us away from her. I had stared at my favorite picture of me and her for hours writing out a long apology letter which I had scrapped because I wanted to apologize fully in person. I was elated when I had a vision of Edward bringing Bella over. I decided then I was going to speak with her but that idea was tossed the second Edward man handled her.

My eyes went dark at the memory: I was sitting on the counter watching Bella and finalizing my apology in my mind while also convincing myself not to yell at her for cutting her bestfriend out of her life for not saying goodbye while her boyfriend had made his whole family leave not allowing a goodbye in the first place.

But when I hopped off of the counter I saw Edward roar at Bella and grab her wrist. Something clicked in me when I heard her groan. I was furious and couldn't hold myself back when I ran and slammed him into the wall.

"YOU WILL NOT TOUCH HER!"

My animalistic side came out and I dug my sharp nails into his skin.

I barely noticed Emmett trying to pull me off of Edward while I strangled him. Everytime Edward moaned in pain or growled I smiled inside because I knew I was so angry he couldn't stop me. When I decided to finally rip his head off Bella walked up slowly.

I was so ashamed that I had frightened her.

"Alice."

I calmed significantly when I looked into her chocolatey eyes but the guilt overwhelmed me so I glanced down dejectedly. Everything would've been okay if I hadn't of seen the splotchy purple bruise forming on her wrist.

What gave this asshole the right? I snarled loudly, picked Edward up, and slammed him into the ground. HOW DARE THIS ASSHOLE HURT MY MATE?

His eyes darkened. "WHAT DID YOU JUST THINK!..YOUR MATE?"

His polite never fight a girl rule was gone when he flipped me over and socked in the stomach so hard blood trickled down my chin like the equivalent to human vomit. Even when Esme screamed Edward kept hitting me, then I knew something in him had snapped.

When Emmett finally pulled him off of me Bella ran to me with a remorseful expression.

"Oh my god Alice, are you okay?"

I was so afraid that she would hate me for my new found shameful feelings.

I looked at her and even with all the worry I held I still felt butterflies.

"Please don't hate me."

She pulled me into her arms and her warmth almost distracted me from her response.

"I could never hate you."

I heard a snarling sound and glared at Edward.

"BELLA YOU WILL NOT TALK TO ALICE OR THAT MUTT!"

I have never been so afraid in my whole life, the thought of Bella being taken from me was overwhelming.

I glanced at Bella hopefully.

"Edward it's over. I am not property. Either be my friend or leave me the hell alone!"

Take that ass hat! He ignored my thought and laughed darkly.

"I guess you need more space."

He left and there was an eerie silence.

The amount of emotions I felt were almost to much to bare love for Bella, worry about Edward, Jasper and Bella, venom boiling anger for Edward.

My heart broke when I saw Jasper rocking in the corner his eyes were completely black.

Since Bella was still going to be asleep I decided to go on a quick hunt and sooth my mind. I kissed her forehead and ran out of the room.

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A/N I hope you enjoyed Alice's thoughts. The next chapter will also be in her point of view. I hope my grammar wasn't horrible. What did you like or not like? What do you want to see in Alice's thoughts? What can I do to improve? Review. 


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the few days without updates. I won't be updating tomorrow because I'm going to a Ke$ha concert. First concert so wish me luck.

APOV

As I ran through the forest I began to wander what it would be like to see the crisp ,dew coated, green leaves or every unique tree blur pass me instead of seeing every element of them perfectly defined. Was this the same wonder Bella had for my world? Did she dream of it like I daydreamed of being human so long ago?

I needed to get my mind off of Bella because I felt so obsessive so I gave my all to the hunt. The hunter in me took over and my hearing became more than acute than it already was. I heard the thudding of hooves against the damp forest floor and immediately ran west to the herd. I got there in less than a minute and stalked them for the fun of it. An elk, obviously the leader of the herd, was alerted and it's ears went up. I choose the second before it decided to sprint to pounce on it's back and snap it's neck. The others scattered as I hastily bit through the hair and fat the blocked my meal from me. The smooth bittersweet warm fluid caressed the fire the kindled in my throat and soon I had my fill.

I never had much vigor in hunting, I actually felt remorse every time I hunted and waited until the last moment necessary to hunt but ever since I met Bella and even more when I got that horrible vision I had been hunting more regularly to insure her safety especially after the Jasper incident. Even if my family had sworn to never leave no matter what I was still weary of any possible incidents regarding her. If anyone even tried to hurt her I wouldn't hesitate to kill them no matter who they were.

I sat on a smooth boulder and thought back to the family meeting we had a day after Edward had left:

Even a day after running for more than twenty-four hours to calm down I was emotionally stifled by Jasper who had finally relaxed because of the extreme anger I still felt when thinking of the situation. He had finally came back to talk to me after fleeing yesterday.

"Alice you're killing me. Please calm down."

I nodded not caring but was livid when he let my emotions free. He gripped his hair and yelled.

"Alice calm down!"

I closed my eyes and imagined Edward dead which did wonders by the way. After I got past the anger I looked at Jasper remorsefully.

"I didn't know."

His eyes were filled with pain and anger but you wouldn't know by his emotionless voice.

"I will not be like Edward. I want you to be happy and I want to be happy. I will always love you but I will not hold you back from your true mate."

Decades with this man and it was gone in a moment! I felt so lost and unsure. I knew he loved me but could Bella ever feel the same.

"Jasper I love you. I'll stay yours."

He looked at me thoughtfully but shook his head.

"I want what's best for both of us. You will feel guilt for being deceitful to your mate and I can't live being second best in your heart. I need some time."

I grabbed his arm exasperated.

"It's Edward's fault! I'm sorry."

He kissed my forehead gingerly and with that he was gone. I fell to my knees still overwhelmed by the whole situation.

Esme picked me up in her arms and cooed in my ear.

"It's okay sweetie."

I wanted laugh because it was beyond being okay but I could only sob more.

"Everything I know has been torn apart. I didn't choose this!"

She rubbed my back and hummed soothingly.

"You don't choose love it is a path that is fated. Jasper was apart of the path that lead you to your true destination."

I pulled back solemnly.

"You don't hate me?"

Esme looked appalled that I'd ever ask that.

"For heaven sakes no! Between you and I, I believe you're a better match for Bella anyway. I just hope my son doesn't do anything unforgivable."

I snarled.

"He did when he laid his hand on my mate."

Esme smirked.

"I like the edgy side of you but for Jasper and even Bella's sake please contain yourself."

I frowned at the mention of Bella.

"I can't just be her friend Esme. I need her and I need her to need me."

Esme nodded understandingly.

"She is human and things are much more complicated for her especially emotionally. You'll have to wait but know she'll be yours."

Carlisle figured it was a safe time to walk up.

"We won't leave her ever again and I believe Edward won't handle this correctly but let's hope for the best."

Emmett finished spackling the wall I had destroyed with Edward's head yesterday.

"Now I get to crack les jokes!"

I smacked him in the head but it didn't stop his goofy smile. I looked around wondering where Rosalie was when I heard a tree cracking in the forest. Emmett sighed and left immediately.

Rosalie hated any man who tried to take freedom away from a woman. It was unforgivable in her books even if it was just Bella to her. Bella was just a blimp on a radar set on annoying things for Rose but for me Bella was everything to me and to think that so suddenly think that frightened me. What do I even love about her? How could I love her in such a short span in time? I didn't, I've loved her since the moment I met her. What kind of shit is this? After decades of being with Jasper I'm gay and in love with my brothers former mate? This should be a soap opera!

I ran up to my and Jasper's room immediately feeling guilty for having to share a room with him instead of Bella and for him having to be near me constantly unless he decided to leave, which even now I don't think I could bare.

I grabbed my sketchbook and sketched the first thing that came to mind. Bella. My heart was like the shore crashing on the beach getting closer to it's destination only to be pushed back. Knowing Bella I was sure she was just going to confuse the shit out of me but I'd smile through the pain just to get a smile from her.

As I sketched a vision took over me: I was looking at Bella with blood trickling down her arm. She looked at me weary and stepped back. I kept my composure until she ran. Something in me made me run. It was the monster.

Everyday since I've had that vision I have been so tense around Bella but at least she didn't focus on me enough to be able to tell which I was grateful for and hurt by. The vision infuriated me. Why was I in La Push? Why would I break the treaty? 


	7. Chapter 7

BPOV

I was walking through the dreary forest until I reached Edward's meadow. As I looked around confused as to why I was there the clouds parted to reveal a spotlight in the ground. The sunlight sparkled on Edward as he stepped out of the trees holding another me in his arms. I almost vomited when my other self started kissing him passionately.

"Stop!"

Edward pulled away and glared at me but before anything else could happen he faded away along with my replica.

The clouds covered the sun and a thunderous storm rang above me. I jumped when I felt cold toned arms surround my waist. I turned around to see Alice's flawless skin sparkling in the new sunlight. Her beautiful golden eyes drew me in closer and closer until our lips met. Before I could mentally assess the kiss a loud snarl ripped through the forest. Alice shoved me to the ground as Edward ran at her lucidly. Before she could do anything he ripped her head off.

"Bella Bella wake up!"

I opened my eyes and saw Jacob staring at me worriedly.

"Jake?"

His worried expression was replaced with a disappointed one.

"You forgot about the bonfire, it's in a hour."

How could I have forgotten? I can't belive I've slept this long?

"I'm so sorry Jake. I'll get dressed in a second."

I grabbed some clothes, got dressed in the bathroom quickly, then ran out, and followed him to my truck.

"Bella I've been calling you all day. Why haven't you picked up?"

I frowned when I remembered the last time I saw Edward and knew it would be best if I didn't tell Jake about it.

"My phone broke."

We soon were at his home. He placed his arm around my shoulder, since I forgot about the get together I decided to placate him and let him leave it there as he walked me around back. Quil and Embry walked up with hotdogs and liter sodas in there hands.

"Hey Bella."

I nodded in response cringing as they stuffed their faces. I looked at the night sky and felt like I forgot something really important. I sat with Jacob and the boys on a log around the fire.

Jacob started talking about tribe legends and other things I got bored of a long time ago. During what was supposed to a dramatic silence in Jake's story Sam's phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and picked up the phone angrily.

"Hello . . .No! . . .I think I would know if a leech was on my land . . .I don't care."

He hung up angrily and threw his phone to the ground. Jacob stopped eating and looked up at Sam who was shaking.

"What happened?"

Sam shook his head and breathed through his nose as he calmed.

"Keep your noses open."

Random paranoia set in and I felt like I was being watched. I needed a moment.

"Jacob I need to use the bathroom."

He nodded and downed half of a liter of a soda.

As I was walking to his house I was lifted up into cold arms.

"Alice?"

When I didn't get a response I knew something was off. Edward? He was checking up on me. How could I have forgotten something so important?

It was dark so I couldn't see where we are but I could smell the salt in the air as he ran. We had to be at the cliff.

I squinted to make out his face in the moonlight. There was dirt caked into the crevices of his face. His eyes were closed and he was inhaling my scent. He spoke with his eyes still closed.

"Bella I have given you your space. I am back and you shall be mine. The question is, will you make this hard."

I was fuming with anger and shaking with fear.

"I don't want you anymore. You can't make me love you. You can take me but you can't make me pretend."

He smiled evilly.

"At least I get something out of this."

He opened his eyes and the moonlight showed the blood red that was in them. He leaned forward to bite me but there was a blur that knocked him away. I squinted and made out Alice's face. Her eyes were the darkest I've ever seen. Her growls could possibly be heard for miles.

"You. Will. Die."

They soon became a blur. I realized how close I was to the fight when I could feel the air being moved by their speed so I backed up then tripped. Stupid klutz! All the fighting stopped immediately when blood trickled down my arm.

I glanced up to see Edward and Alice staring at me with dark eyes. I was completely caught off guard when Alice was the first the one to step forward. After that Edward hissed and stepped forward. I got up quickly and began to run even though I knew they would catch me. At least I didn't fall again. Alice's scream peirced the silence.

"BELLA NO!"

But it was too late. There was no ground under my feet. I ran off the cliff. I turned around mid air not wanting to see the impact and saw Alice dove to save me. I was going to die but she needed to know the truth.

"Alice, I do love you."

The second I finished the sentence I plunged into the cold water. It felt like daggers cutting my skin. The waves knocked me around. I soon drifted away into darkness.

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I didn't even see this coming I wrote it and was like WTF! I surprise myself because I don't plan the stories events. Anyway your thoughts? Did I do good? Review. 


	8. Chapter 8

This chapter was erased and replaced. This notice is here for anyone who already read it because if I move the new chapter to this one you won't be able to review it and I feel like a lot of you are going to be reviewing the next chapter. If you are a new reader ignore this notice. 


	9. Chapter 9

MUST READ: I've decided to change the direction of the story a bit so ignore the previous chapter. Also a lot of F-Bombs will be dropped and Alice will be a little OOC but I think it's necessary to show the extent of her emotions.

APOV

I grunted angrily when I recalled that Bella was going to Jacob's. I wasn't the type to control a persons life just because I didn't like a person but today was the day that Edward was checking up on Bella and I didn't trust the puppies to handle it. I couldn't bring myself to act like Edward so I didn't call Bella and tell her not to go. I just hoped to god my Bella was extra careful.

As usual I couldn't bare the silence so I grabbed my sketch book and started a sketch of Bella sleeping peacefully while listening to Bad Romance.

My drawing was ruined when a vision caused me to tear the page:

Edward was running through a forest throughly caked with mud. He had a evil smile and ruby red eyes.

I almost screamed out in lividity and fear especially when I saw that he was headed towards La Push. Jasper must have sensed my anxiety because he and the rest of my family entered the room.

"Alice what did you see?"

The fear of losing Bella was too much until Jasper calmed me.

"Edward has covered his scent and is headed to La Push for Bella,"

They all looked at me as if I was being overdramatic until my next sentence.

"His eyes are red."

Everyone growled in anger and disappointment.

"We have to go get her! We can't let him get her!"

Carlisle looked a little afraid of me as he shook his head.

"No? What do you mean no?"

"Alice you have to think this through. The wolves will see this as a treaty breaker and attack us. We can't risk all of us just because of Edward. Besides I am sure all of them can handle him."

I sneered. "Did you not hear what I said," Esme hissed at my rudeness but I ignored her. "He covered his scent!"

Jasper tried to reign in my emotions but failed. Carlisle handed me his phone.

"Inform Sam I'm sure he will understand."

I snatched the phone from him and dialed quickly. Each ring made me want to destroy the phone and I almost did but a angry growl stopped me.

"Hello?"

I relaxed myself and used my persuasive voice.

"Sam, Bella is in danger and my family and I need to go on your land."

He scoffed as if he was insulted by me thinking there was a possibility of him approving.

"No!"

I almost screamed at him.

"Edward is on your land and is going to take her."

My eyes turned black when he chuckled cockily.

"I think I would know if a leech was on my land."

Jasper calmed me right before I was going to threaten Sam's life.

"But he cov-"

He cut me off.

"I don't care."

I threw Carlisle's phone at the wall and it shattered beyond repair.

"We have to go to her!"

Rosalie glared at me.

"Why would I risk my life for a human who probably doesn't want you?"

There was nothing Jasper's power could do when I pounced on her. My venom sprinkled her face as I growled at her.

"She. Will. Be. Mine. Edward is going to force her to be with him but sadly you stuck up bitch forgot what that feels like."

Everyone was silent as I spoke those words. Rosalie looked around expecting someone to stand up for her. She threw me off of her.

"How dare you say that to me? You think I forgot! I still have to push those thoughts away when I make love to Emmett!"

Emmett had an surprised expression on his face but didn't say anything.

"So fucking what? Do you know how it is to feel alone and empty every second of every fucking day! To not know who you fucking are! To see the person you love with someone else! To have the person you love fucking rip your heart a part with their confusion and have to act happy and smile through the fucking pain! No you don't so shut the fuck up and if you want to give a low blow then you need to learn how to fucking take one!"

Before anyone could say anything I hopped out the window and ran as fast as possible. I got a vision that Edward was right in front of La Push territory yet and had decided to be his usual overdramatic self by taking Bella to the cliff. Even with me running as fast as I could Edward still had a few minutes before I was there and a few minutes for a vampire was enough time to kill. I jumped into a mud puddle to mask my scent and when I figured I had enough I continued.

When a retched gut wrenching scent reached sensitive nose I knew I was at the wolf border. I headed straight to the cliff to see Edward looking at a trembling Bella.

"Bella I have given you your space. I am back and you shall be mine. The question is, will you make this hard."

There was a minuscule chance that she would take him back so I waited. She looked terrified but spoke sternly.

"I don't want you anymore. You can't make me love you. You can take me but you can't make me pretend."

I would've squealed with happiness but of course this was definitely not the time. His evil grin was sickening.

"At least I get something out of this."

He opened his eyes and the moonlight showed the blood red that was in them which caused Bella to pale significantly. The second he leaned forward to bite her I was livid and shoved him away from her. I was the predator and he was my prey. I roared as my eyes turned pitch black.

"You. Will. Die."

And with those last three words I lunged and knocked him to the ground. He knew he was at a disadvantage because I was too angry to have a proper thought and was acting mostly on instinct.

I wrapped my hands around his neck and dug my razor sharp nails into his flesh.

He tucked his knees in and quickly extended both of his legs kicking me back a few yards.

I expected him to turn to Bella but was caught off guard when he glared at me and growled.

He pounced but before he could land on me I lifted my knee to my chest and kicked with all my might.

He clutched his stomach and groaned in pain while I smirked and pushed my self off the ground.

He hissed and punched me repeatedly in the stomach.

I grabbed his fist and crushed my knuckles into his nose with my free hand.

He was dazed for a few seconds so I spared a glance at Bella and realized how close we were to her. I knew I had to kill Edward but I didn't want to do it in front of her. I decided to lure Edward away from her but was distracted when Edward swept me to the ground and preceded to kick me.

I kept rolling around to dodge them when Bella got up quickly and started walking backwards away from the fight. Yes Bella get away! I was almost angry at her when she tripped but a strong strawberry scent permeated my nose.

The fires of hell kindled in my throat as I longed to taste her. Edward was just as distracted because he didn't move when I stood up.

I couldn't help but stare at Bella's neck and listen to the quick pounding of her heart. The need to bite her was overwhelming and caused me to step forward.

When she gasped I was shaken from my blood induced trance. She started to run to the edge of the cliff. I started having a vampire equivalent to a seizure as fear racked through my body.

"BELLA NO!"

It was too late she had ran over the cliff. Edward was the farthest thing from my mind when I ran and dove after her.

Her chestnut hair whipped around her her face violently as she faced me. The beauty and fear in her face was carved into my mind as she spoke.

"Alice, I do love you."

Those words filled me with rage as I forced my weight forward to increase my momentum. A second after that she crashed into the violent ocean waves and a few seconds after that I met her.

The water didn't effect me but I knew if she was in there for a few seconds more she would get sick. The currents knocked me around as I looked through the ocean water to see Bella sinking to the ocean floor which was covered in sharp rocks. I swam quickly but I knew it was too late when her eyes opened abruptly, bubbles gurgled out of her mouth, and blood had permeated the water.

I finally had reached her and slowly tugged her off the sharp rock. I swam to shore and was met with Jacob.

"I called Carlisle he is already at the hospital."

I don't think I have ran as fast as I did in this moment than I did in my whole entire existence. Every time she got colder, her heart slowed, or her breathing grew weaker I ran faster.

Finally I had reached the hospital. I decided not to make a commotion and instead of heading through the main entrance I hopped through a window and took an empty room.

I set Bella on the bed and hooked her up to the IV and heart monitor. Not even a second later Carlisle walked in with a distraught and curious expression. He quickly tore her shirt off and dressed her gaping wound. I almost lost it when blood seeped from her chest and the monitor slowed.

Carlisle grabbed a tube to release the air being forced into her chest cavity to try to prevent her lung from collapsing. The was a sucking noise when air reinflated her lung causing water and blood to trickle down her lips and that's when her heart monitor stopped.

"NO!"I screamed and almost ripped my hair out as Carlisle gasped and quickly sowed up her lungs. He needed to do an x-ray to see if her lungs were completely inflated before using the paddles but there was no time.

I sobbed loudly as he rubbed them together and pressed them against her chest.

Her chest jerked forward violently. Nothing.

He rubbed them together longer and pressed them to her again.

Nothing.

He stared at her for a few seconds then looked at me sorrowfully.

"Alice . . ."

I shook my head adamantly.

"No! No! No!"

I stood over her and caressed her face.

"Bella I know you are still there god dammit! You can't leave me! You love me! You said it!"

I kissed her blue cold unresponsive lips and that's when I heard it. Her monitor started beeping slowly. I looked at Carlisle amazed but was surprised to see he was still looking at me sorrowfully.

"The chances of her being alive are very slim," I looked at him confused. "She may be brain dead. She might not wake up."

I refused to listen to him.

"Shut the fuck up!"

He cringed and left the room. I caressed her soft skin and murmured in her ear.

"I know you won't leave me Bella. I'm hear and I won't leave ever not until you wake up."

There was a knock at the door before my family walked in. Esme opened her mouth to speak but the animosity in my glare obviously scared her.

"Get the fuck out of here!"

Esme looked heartbroken.

"Alice we are so-"

I hissed.

"I don't give a shit about how you feel. I said get the fuck out!"

Carlisle growled.

"Watch how you talk to your mother."

I chuckled at him.

"My mother? You all are nothing to me! You all stopped being something to me when you did nothing to save Bella."

Esme started sobbing.

"Alice please!" I glared at her.

"You! You of all people! The super mom let this happen! What kind of mother are you?"

There was a loud clap when Carlisle slapped me. I growled and with out warning ripped his hand off.

"Carlisle imagine knowing that your mate might die and having a family that doesn't care enough to do anything about it. Imagine having to see your mate die then imagine having your family say they are sorry. Like words can fix the gaping hole in your heart."

He looked at me guiltily, they all did. I threw his hand to the floor.

"Now get out!"

They all left without a word as I stroked my Bella's cheek.

A/N: Do you like the dark Alice? I hope you don't mind me dismissing the previous chapter but I thought that this was better. Anyway review for a cookie :() 


	10. Chapter 10

I know I haven't updated in an eternity and that was for many personal reasons. I'm sorry readers and I hope you haven't let this story go. I suggest you reread the story or at least the last chapter over.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

JPOV (Jasper)

I sulked with my family in an empty hospital room knowing we would wait until Alice was ready to go no matter how long it took.

I was tired of waiting and not because I was selfish or impatient but because the emotions in the room were almost overloading me. Carlisle and Esme were filled with remorse and concern, Emmett was filled with indescribable rage and guilt, while Rosalie felt guilt that she was trying to mask with indifference.

It kind of hurt me to see everyone holding each other comfortingly when now I had no one. It was hard to feel my own emotions when they were feeling so much. I tuned them out and found my emotions. I was feeling heartbroken and guilty, I should've helped Alice especially after all we had been through together. She saved me from being the monster we all were born to be, the monster Edward embraced.

I recalled the argument between Rosalie and Alice earlier. Alice's words still irked me: "Do you know how it is to feel alone and empty every second of every fucking day!" The strength of her emotions let me know that she had felt that way for a while. To know that she felt alone even with me stung more than the venom that brought me into this new life but now I deserve that pain. At times I felt that she never loved me but I know she had but it was never true love.

I know deep in the recesses of her mind she feared I would become like Edward or hunt humans again but no I am strong! I thought of Edward again and anger filled me how could he be so volatile to the one he supposedly loved. I knew many things could break you and now I know denial was one of them.

I let my mind go blank and counted to a billion a few times while wondering if Alice was ever going to leave the room. Every once in a while somebody would ask what emotions were coming from her room. At first it was rage, then love, then despair, then more rage. Of course I still loved Alice so all of those emotions got to me twice as bad plus everybody else's overwhelming guilt.

After a little longer the emotions in the hospital were driving me crazy. I walked out of the hospital and waited until I was out of the view of humans to run to the forest. The quick run to the forest reminded me of times before Alice had envisioned Bella, the simpler times when me and her used to run through the forest chasing each other completely in love. To be honest a part of me wanted to fight for Alice but my power stopped me because I knew I could never win even with Bella out of the picture. I climbed a aged tree and focused on the sun which was blanketed by dim gray clouds.

"Jasper..."

I turned around to see an obviously shattered Alice with bloody tears streaming down her face staring at me from the ground. Instead of staring at the strange tears streaming down her face I hopped out of the tree and immediately pulled her into my arms. She hugged me tight enough to almost chip my skin.

"I can't make it if Bella doesn't live."

Was this a confession of her possible suicide? I couldn't let her do it. She may not be my mate but I still and always will care deeply about her.

"You have us. We can't let you do that."

She pulled back and from the look on her blood stained face I knew that she was going to do whatever it took to kill herself.

"Jasper I barely have you. To lose Bella after her confession killed me. To lose a love when it was just a seed in a ground never having a chance to watch that flower bloom."

The love and tremendous pain that rolled off of her was almost to much to bare.

"I am here for you. I will do whatever it takes to win back your trust."

She ran her hand through her muddied and disheveled hair.

"Take care of Bella when I leave."

I looked at her confused and worried that she would off herself.

"No I'm not going to kill myself. The wolves are coming two days to kill me and if Bella loves me as much as I love her she'd be devastated."

I hissed at the thought of the wolves even landing a hand on Alice.

"We can fight them. You'd never be able to come back to her if you left."

She shook her head adamantly.

"I don't want any of you to touch them unless provoked because if she is left unprotected and something happens..."

The devastation leaving her was almost enough to make me tear my head off.

"I vow my immortality that I will protect Bella as I would protect myself."

With out a response she ran back into the hospital to see her Bella. I was surprised at how collected she seemed but it was all bottled up until she reached the room and started sobbing loudly. Where would she go? Did she want me to tell our family? Would Bella wake up?

RPOV

Alice's unending sobbing was was drowning me in a river of guilt. The worst part was that she probably hates me now. I sighed irritated by the whole situation. I swear I will throttle Edward if I ever see him again, the jealous little prick. After being here for several slow drawling hours I finally found the courage to go see Alice.

I stood up and shook my head when Emmett wanted to follow. I walked down the hall slowly and tried to contain my nerves. I stood in front of the door and heard Alice's sobbing stop.

"Go away!"

I exhaled and walked in anyway and was shocked to see blood smudged down the sides of Alice's face.

"You've been crying blood?"

Instead of answering me she ran up on me and pushed me against the wall.

"I. Said. Go. Away."

The anger in her eyes was worse than any glare I could ever give.

"Alice I'm-"

She scoffed. "Do you think saying you're sorry is going to help a damn thing? Look at her!"

I looked passed Alice to see Bella significantly paler than before with a oxygen mask,a tube down her throat, and needles in each arm hooked to several different machines. I felt even more guilty.

"I'll kill him for you. I'll hunt him down now and kill him."

Alice shook her head adamantly.

"He is MINE. The most you could do was take care of her when... if she wakes. I'm leaving, the wolves are going to kill me for breeching their land."

WHAT?

"We will fight them! It's partially their fault it happened to her. We will fight and we will win."

Alice actually smiled a little. I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly. A few seconds later the rest of our family walked in nodding in agreement. Alice laughed bitterly.

"Now you assholes want to fight. Let's get to practicing."

-Here you go hopped it was good. Please Review. 


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